Brownie Banter
by AlliPaige
Summary: Just a meaningless, brotherly brownie banter. Because, as we all know, everybody loves Raymond.


**A/N: So, I decided to write this because Everybody Loves Raymond is one of the funniest shows I've ever watched, and hopefully I will do alright.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Everybody Loves Raymond. If I did, it would still be running!**

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"Ooh, their finished!" Marie cried happily, rushing towards the oven with her oven mitt in hand. Robert, in the nearby kitchen chair of Frank and Marie's kitchen, glared at the stove with unforgiving eyes. As his mother pulled out the freshly baked brownies, he inhaled the scent and wished it was for him.

It never was.

But he would get his compensation.

Marie sat them on the kitchen table and turned to Robert. "I'm going to go across the street to get your brother." She leaned in closer and whispered, "Your father is in the other room. _Guard these with your life_, because -"

"I know, I know," Robert scowled, rolling his eyes, "they're for _Raymond_. Because _everything_ is for Raymond."

"Oh, don't be such a sour puss, Robbie," she scolded, turning and pulling open the door. "I'll make you some cookies when Raymond is finished, how about that?"

He simply grunted when she left and closed the door, running across the street to fetch her beloved son.

"Of course," Robert muttered, blinking angrily. "Cookies. The typical step down from brownies. Why am I not surprised?" He glared at the warm, soft, fresh, chocolaty squares sitting in the pan in front him. He smirked while uplifting his pointer finger and giving it a good, wet lick. Robert rubbed his spit-covered finger all over the top of the snacks, laughing, muttering, "_Raymond, Raymond, Raymond, Raymond._"

The minute he pulled it away, the kitchen door opened and in came Raymond with his mother, smiling.

"Thanks for cooking these, Ma," he nodded, taking one. "I've been so busy with the kids today I haven't had a chance to eat."

"Aw, sweet heart," she cooed, patting his cheek gently, "you poor thing. And so sweet of you to help out with the kids." She chuckled quietly, smiling tightly. "Lord knows Debra could use it."

Marie walked out of the kitchen with a couple of dirty towels, on the way to the wash room.

"Don't you mean _Debra_ has been so busy with the kids?" Robert clarified.

Ray didn't answer for a moment, chewing on his brownie nonchalantly. Robert smirked internally. Ray shrugged, "Your point… Whiny McWhiner-Pants?"

"That's very mature," Robert nodded vigorously. "Very mature."

"Well, look who has brownies and who doesn't," Raymond grinned, taking a seat across from his brother.

"'Look who has brownies and who doesn't', blah blah blah," Robert muttered mockingly. Just then, in came Frank, in tattered sweatpants and a t-shirt, bald head shining.

"Brownies!" he chuckled, reaching for one.

"No!" Robert cried before he could stop himself.

"What?" Frank questioned. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Um, I -"

"Don't stutter!" he commanded, his temper short today. "It's annoying! Your mother is bad enough!"

Robert's mouth was open, hurt. It quickly closed, a smile across his face. "You know what, Dad? Go ahead. Or, what about this? Have _three_."

Frank grappled for them like an animal and headed back to the room with the television, muttering. Robert's gaze turned towards Ray, who was standing there with brownie mid-way into his mouth.

"What… what did you _do_ to the _brownies_?" he asked quietly, eyes wide. Robert simply lifted and dropped his shoulders in a shrug, smiling smugly.

"I don't know what you are talking about, Raymond. By the way, isn't it a nice day out? But just a little windy. Hmmm…." Robert licked his finger and pointed it towards the sky, as if testing for wind direction.

"Blah! Aaarrrggghhh!" Ray cried, coughing and spitting the brownie all over the floor. At this point, Marie came in and yelled out in distress.

"Noo! Not all over my clean floor, Raymond!"

"It's - it's -" cough "- not my fault, Ma! Robert spit in the brownies!" he complained, pointing an accusing finger at his brother.

"No, I didn't! I just… gave them more moisture."

"Oh, _Robbie_! That's disgusting!" she scolded, hitting his arm with force. He flinched back, pouting. "You know what? No cookies for you!"

She furiously wiped up the mess quickly and stomped out of the room. Ray and Robert stared at each other for a long time. Then, finally,

"Heehee," Ray chuckled. "In your -"

Robert stood out of his chair, to full height, and Raymond darted out of the chair and was out the door before anyone could blink.

_In _your _face_, the older brother thought triumphantly.

"Oh, c'mon, make a tackle you stupid, stinkin' hump!" he heard from the living room.

Robert sighed. Just another typical day in the Barone household.

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**This was my first Everybody Loves Raymond fanfic! Review, please! I was really inspired to write about this show after I found out that my cousin played Debra's sister!**


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